Attachment and abandonment

So, I'm leaving early tomorrow morning with a couple friends to go to CO and see R and JT. This is the first time I've left J overnight since he's been home. It's time. T has been gone overnight and J was fine but he is very put out with me for "leaving" him and is "punishing" me for doing so. When he found out I was going (a couple months ago) it dredged up all of his abandonment feelings. He told us how he cried for days when his birth mom left him at the O. He said he didn't want me to go and that he was afraid I wouldn't come back. I assured him that I have every intention of coming back. Then he was afraid of an accident. We assured him that if God wanted me in Heaven I'd be going whether I was here or in CO. He just has to get through me leaving so he can see that I'll come back. We don't believe in telling him that I "promise" to come back because none of us knows what the Lord has for us each day. We just assure him that my plan is to come back, Lord willing.

He seemed ok for a while until last night. He had a meltdown over his math and finally admitted that it was because I was leaving. He said he wasn't going to school while I was gone and yadda, yadda, yadda. It's hard to separate a child who is acting out of fear and a child who is being a brat. They look a lot alike.

I'm frustrated by the things that happened in J's life that brought him to a place where he feels such insecurity. I'm frustrated that we weren't better prepared to deal with this "adoption stuff". I'm frustrated (not begrudging her-just frustrated ;) ) that my friend's boys are excited about spending the time with their dad and mine is punishing me for leaving.

But I'm also thankful that J is attached. I'm thankful for a chance to get away with friends. I'm thankful to be able to go see R. I'm thankful for a group of people at J's school who are understanding and willing to do what needs to be done so I can take this trip. How awesome is that? Our public school system rocks!

Please pray for T. And A. And J. And that I come home all in one healthy piece so J can see that it really can happen. Thanks!