Snow day and 39 months

School was closed on Friday because our slush turned into ice. R had to be somewhere early in the morning so T took her. They said it was slippery. By the time I left for work it was pretty much melted on the roads.

T made a fire in the fireplace last night. This isn't the best pic but I love having a fire going, especially at Christmas time. I made a s'more and played video games with the kids.

I woke up early this morning thinking about the adoption and stuff going on in our lives. I couldn't get back to sleep. Why is it that you can never sleep on the days that you have time to sleep in?

We're at 39 months since beginning the paper chase for the adoption. This is the 4th Christmas without him here. I'm so tired. We are just weary of the process. I was talking to a friend who is trying to bring her third child home from Haiti and she is weary of the process too. We're both so tired of the fight. I said, "Please tell me that it's worth the fight. Tell me that it's worth it to bring the kids home." She said it definitely is.

I could be very bitter about this process. It has not left me feeling good about adoption, the process, and the world as a whole. I just wish the people who need to sign these papers had an idea of what we go through as adoptive parents. It's been such an emotional roller coaster and I feel like we have "been through the wringer". I feel like we have nothing left to give but it's not even over yet. Pray for us.

I have to choose to not be bitter. I have to look at pics and videos of J and remember why we're doing this. I have to hear people tell me that it's worth it. Lord, please let J come home.

Obviously, we're struggling. We're trying to have the proper perspective on Christmas and the Reason for the season. We're trying to make good memories for our other children. We have to choose to find things to be thankful for. That's why I do thankful lists. Please pray for us.