November, adoption awareness month

November is adoption awareness month and adoption is something that we care deeply about. A couple months ago I wrote an email to the family who is adopting J's bio cousin along with 2 other older boys. Pray for them! What an undertaking. We spent 4 years "in process" with J and he's only been home for 3 years. It grieves my heart when I think about that and how different things might have been if he'd gotten home sooner but I have to choose not to dwell on that. For whatever reason(s), it took four years and he came home when he did. And if we choose to let Him, God will work it for good. I really believe that.

Anyway, I was thinking about all the things I wrote in this email and how much J has changed and how much all of our family has changed since J came home. There is still this undercurrent of sibling rivalry for lack of a better term between J and A. I have some theories about that but am choosing not to share publicly at this point. R got married about 4 months after J came home so they never spent much time together, although R was with me in Haiti the first time we met J. They may share a bond from that. I don't know. T and I have struggled at times in our relationship and in agreeing on how to parent this child, who is absolutely nothing like parenting bio daughters. Hey, I'm just keeping it honest and T and I are in a pretty good place right now. It can really pull at a marriage though.

The one who has changed the most is J. I was telling this mom who is in the process for 3 older boys (I think 2 are teens and one is pre-teen) all the things to be aware of and it made me see how much J has changed. I shared the funny stuff like automatic doors, flushing toilets, faucets, lost in translation, escalators and elevators, to the mundane like having to tell him ahead of time not to push any buttons, switch and switches or turn anything on or off before we walked into a room. If we had a penny for each time we told him to chew with his mouth shut we'd be rich!

And I shared how J would rage and cry and tantrum and you just knew that it was so much deeper than anything that was going on in the here and now. How I would hold him, pray over him, speak scripture over him while he raged. How I would dread getting calls from school (who have done a phenomenal job with him!) to find out what he'd done this time. And how J would trust us on a new level after one of those episodes and shed a little light on something from his past.

I shared with her how their maturity level is so far below their chronological age and how they have no concept of personal space and how J had a strong entitlement issue. He seemed to think, here I am, you waited four years for me, now I'm in America where everything is free so give me what I want while I kick back and watch tv. It still seems like ownership is way more important to J than doing something with what he owns. In other words, he likes owning toys, electronics, clothes, etc. but the owning of those things is more important to him than playing with the toys or wearing all the clothes. He never learned to play as a young child and though he occasionally played with toys it grieves me that he doesn't know how to truly play. Not at all the way our girls did. They played imaginatively over and over with their toys. They had favs that they carried with them. The same toys could be a totally new scenario the next day. Not so with J. Once in a while he would play with a toy and then never touch it again. I asked him about that a time or two and he would say, "I already played with that." So sad.

I talked to her about intense fears and how a lot of the negative behavior stems from irrational fear. I told her about his lying and what we did to get past it.

And now J is 15, doing ok in 8th grade with some ESL modifications, is a nice guy and pretty well-liked by everyone who meets him. He's going to be in a Christmas play at church. It's about a 30-40 minute play and it's just him and 3 others so he has a pretty big part. He is getting tired of the practices but doing really well with his part. I can't wait to see it.

I think adoption has a lot of hurts, lost expectations, and strain but it is also very rewarding. It's been so much fun to see the world through J's eyes these last three years. Everything is new and fresh. He's blossoming and doing well. I have no idea what the future will hold for him but for right now it's wide open. And after all, we are all adopted into God's family when we make a decision to follow Him.

And now, a thankful list. I'm thankful for God, family and friends. I'm thankful for generally good health, as my mom likes to say, we're in pretty good shape for the shape we're in. I'm thankful for modern conveniences and the multitude of ways to stay in touch with those you love. And chocolate. And the seat warmers in my van!

He's baaaaaack!!!

JT made it home yesterday after several months in Afghanistan. Thanks for all the prayers for safety and healing for him and for R as she held down the fort at home. So much has changed for them. R is back in school, she moved her horse, Bridget, out by her, she can drive a standard now ;-) , JT is a sergeant and yet their love is the same and God is still God. JT, we are so proud of you!! And of you, R, for keeping it together while your hubby was deployed! Continued prayers, please, as they readjust to life together, that God would heal JT of any emotional scars he carries and that they would prosper together. Thanks! Welcome home!!

Whew!!

What a week it's been. Both of the kids have nasty colds. T is getting over a nasty stomach bug. I alone have remained unscathed. So far anyway. I figured I might as well lay in the bed and wait for something to hit. But so far, so good.

J is over 5'7" now. I thought he looked taller again. I have to keep buying longer jeans. He doesn't get any bigger around though.

Time seems to be absolutely flying by right now. I have a hard time keeping up.

I'm taking a theology class right now. It's kicking my butt. Too many big words and long sentences.

I have a doc appointment this next week to determine for sure about doing surgery on the wrist again. Sigh...

That's about it for now. Lots of stuff going on but not that much to share. Just a lot of busyness.

Maybe I should do a thankful list. Let's see. I'm thankful for access to medical care. I'm thankful for lysol. I'm thankful for the beautiful sun that's shining here today and the promise of warmth that it brings. I'm thankful for the chance to go to school. I'm thankful for God, family and friends. And seat warmers in my van. And I'd be thankful if I had some chocolate. I don't have any right now but I'd be thankful for it if I did.

Did you find it?

Did you find the change? I know a couple of people did. JT made sergeant! He went from specialist to sergeant in the "who's who?" list. We are so proud of him!! He passed the board a while back but had to wait for his official cermony to where his stripes, or his "3 mosquito wings". Now, we just have to get him home safe and sound. Keep praying!

Something's changed...

...can you find it? Something on the blog has changed. Over there on the sidebar. Can you see it? Let me know if you noticed what changed. The answer in a few....

Too funny!

I mentioned earlier that J said fewer and fewer "lost in translation" things as he masters using the English language. But the last couple of weeks he has had quite a few funnies. Maybe his vocabulary is expanding? I don't know but last night he was telling me all about this new school fund-raiser he's supposed to be involved in. I hate school fund-raisers. And I don't have any extra money at the moment but he was trying to get me to buy a candle. He said, "Look at dese candles. Smell dem. Dey have scratch and sniff, here, smell dis one. You want to buy it? You can write a check." I declined and he mused whether or not to ask nanny or aunt S... He kind of gave it up for a while and then out of the blue he said, "I need to take dose roman candles to church." I asked him what the heck he was talking about and he said, "You know. Dose tings I am selling." I said, "Honey, those are Yankee Candles, not roman candles. Roman candles are fireworks." He said, "Whatever." Bahahaha!! Yankee candles/roman candles. So close!

Sunday evening, for some unknow reason, we were talking about thong underwear and A quipped, "There oughta be a weight limit on those things." I thought that was funny and texted R and she texted back that her friend said, "that would be worse bc then they wear spandex type pants and the cover the butt type underwear cuts the butt in half, creating four butt cheeks instead of two." Only she hit the wrong letter on one very important word and it said, "creating four nutt cheeks instead of two." Nutt cheeks. Bahahaha!!! We had fun with that one! A said, "If that creates four nutt cheeks you have bigger problems than spandex and thongs!" J said, "Dat makes me uncomfortable to tink about." Life is funny!

Times are a changing

Wow, it was like upper 70's and low 80's and sunny all week and then Sat was c-c-c-cold and dreary. And there was some wind. And all the leaves fell off the trees. And I'm thinking about the flannel sheets. And we've had two fires in the fireplace in two days. And....J untwisted his hair! He has very. big. hair. And all the girls at school like to touch it. And that's the way he likes it.

A couple of J-isms

As J gets better and better at using the English language the "lost in translation" stuff he says gets less and less. There are still those times though...

You know that slightly sarcastic way we have of saying "obviously" when someone says something which is very obvious? J was going for that one day only he said "eventually" instead. In that sarcastic way. It was too funny. We now use eventually in place of obviously. Captain Obvious has become Captain Eventually at our house.

Last night J decided to untwist all his hair. He now has really. big. hair. It's fine with me as long as he keeps it picked out. On the way to school he said, "Dude, if I fell on my head I don't even tink I would feel it!" Ha! I suggested not trying out that theory though. Funny kid.

He's going to be in a Christmas play at church. He was very monotone and struggling over the words at first but he's really getting it now. It's sounding good. I will keep you posted.

Trip pics!

Oh, it's a gorgeous day here in TN! The sun is out and the temps are just right. We had an awesome trip and saw and experienced lots of really neat things but it sure is good to be home again. I mean, look at this sky from a couple weeks ago. How awesome is that?

Or this?

I put more food in the tin before I left. Diesel has discovered the joy of eating right out of the tin.

We started out near Mobile, AL close to T's sister's place. This is nephew's redneck boombox.

We went to Lambert's Cafe, home of the throwed rolls. Obviously, there's a lot to see there.

He caught a roll! They startled us with pretending to squirt mustard on us and pretending to spill a pitcher of tea on us. It was a big party atmosphere here and we all enjoyed it.

Nephew and his fiance.

From Mobile, we headed towards Louisiana and went on a swamp tour.

Click on this pic to blow it up. There's a big gator sunning himself.

Some damage from Isaac.

The swamp. We learned that a swamp is a flooded forest and a bayou is a waterway.

This was at the state park we stayed at. You can see the boardwalk in the back of the pic. They have over a mile of boardwalk which shows all the different eco systems in LA.

Tickfaw state park.

Turns out those little stumps are "breathers" for the cypress trees.

Me and my young guy.

Me and my older guy.

We were fascinated by the swamps.

This is the fishing pond at the campground/state park. There was a small gator in it.

The pyromaniacs.

We made it to the French Quarter in New Orleans. It sure reminded us of Haiti.

Only cleaner.

Two redneck goobers with their hands in the fountain.

Jackson Square.

They wanted their teacher to know they saw the Mississippi river.

Street performers.

The boys got picked to be part of the performance.

One of the guys jumped over the whole group. And since I have a dumb phone and not a smart phone, I missed the pic.

We played a lot of cards and T and I shuffled a LOT of cards because these two couldn't shuffle to save their souls.

Our last view of the Louisiana swamp.

So far, so good

Hello from Louisiana. We had a nice time with family near Mobile, AL and today we headed towards LA. We went on a swamp tour which was a lot of fun and now we are at a nice campground. The boys are being pretty good and having fun. There's a nice nature center here and a mile of boardwalk we may explore tomorrow. The weather has been pretty good. I will post pics when we get back. If I had a smart phone I could post some now but I have a dumb phone.